you're like a party.

kerouac- twinsies- travis cat- graduation tulips- the littlest one turns ten- joseph, me, alex, canoeing (stolen from joseph's facebook)

For whatever reason, it's hard to write on here. I'm writing, yes, but I'm filling up journal pages and emails to friends and Fernweh articles, while this blog sits lonely and neglected. I guess people move on and grow up and out of things, but I never thought this was something I'd grow out of. Part of the problem, I think, is that I've lost Darcy's cord, which (while not preventing me from taking pictures) prevents me from doing anything with those pictures. 

It's hard, even, to share what's happening in my life. Things like, I broke up with my boyfriend five days ago, and sometimes, for a split second I forget that we're no longer dating because it's been four months since I've been alone, but at the same time, I'm happy to no longer have that commitment. 

Or things like, my mama and baby sisters left for Colorado last week, and they'll be gone for several months longer than I would like, and it was hard to not be able to cry into my mom's shoulder last Thursday. I miss them like crazy.

Or things like, just over a week ago, I sat on a stage in a bright yellow gown with heels and a hat, and then I walked across that same stage and then I was no longer in high school. Or things like, next year is coming so soon, and I'm so excited and scared. 

Or things like, we went canoeing today and ate turkey next to a river and the boys splashed me until I was soaking wet, and I'm so bad at applying sunscreen that my right thigh is bright pink. 

Or things like, I waited until midnight so I could buy The Party off of Regina Spektor's new album, and then listened to it repeatedly. It makes me feel like summer and happiness. You should give it a listen.

Or things like, I spent an entire Sunday afternoon with my best friend, and we ate out, and watched loads of movies, and it was perfectly spontaneous. I have a list of every time one of us says, "we should do that!" and Sunday was productive in terms of watching Ferris Bueller, (the first time, for me) and taking pictures in the mall's photobooth. I like best friends.

Or things like, this time last year was my first week in Jordan, adjusting to culture shock, the dust of the desert, and the prospect of an entire summer without my family. I have a hard time realizing that it was only two years ago, and at the same time, feeling like I've lived a lifetime since then. I guess it makes a big difference if you think about only the big events, versus the individual days and the individual moments. 

Or things like, it's 2:16am, and I've just typed out an entire post that might not make very much sense in the morning, but it's something for you to read, and it's something to help me train myself back into the habit of writing things to post here, even when it's hard or I don't feel like it.