29 May 2012

you're like a party.

kerouac- twinsies- travis cat- graduation tulips- the littlest one turns ten- joseph, me, alex, canoeing (stolen from joseph's facebook)

For whatever reason, it's hard to write on here. I'm writing, yes, but I'm filling up journal pages and emails to friends and Fernweh articles, while this blog sits lonely and neglected. I guess people move on and grow up and out of things, but I never thought this was something I'd grow out of. Part of the problem, I think, is that I've lost Darcy's cord, which (while not preventing me from taking pictures) prevents me from doing anything with those pictures. 

It's hard, even, to share what's happening in my life. Things like, I broke up with my boyfriend five days ago, and sometimes, for a split second I forget that we're no longer dating because it's been four months since I've been alone, but at the same time, I'm happy to no longer have that commitment. 

Or things like, my mama and baby sisters left for Colorado last week, and they'll be gone for several months longer than I would like, and it was hard to not be able to cry into my mom's shoulder last Thursday. I miss them like crazy.

Or things like, just over a week ago, I sat on a stage in a bright yellow gown with heels and a hat, and then I walked across that same stage and then I was no longer in high school. Or things like, next year is coming so soon, and I'm so excited and scared. 

Or things like, we went canoeing today and ate turkey next to a river and the boys splashed me until I was soaking wet, and I'm so bad at applying sunscreen that my right thigh is bright pink. 

Or things like, I waited until midnight so I could buy The Party off of Regina Spektor's new album, and then listened to it repeatedly. It makes me feel like summer and happiness. You should give it a listen.

Or things like, I spent an entire Sunday afternoon with my best friend, and we ate out, and watched loads of movies, and it was perfectly spontaneous. I have a list of every time one of us says, "we should do that!" and Sunday was productive in terms of watching Ferris Bueller, (the first time, for me) and taking pictures in the mall's photobooth. I like best friends.

Or things like, this time last year was my first week in Jordan, adjusting to culture shock, the dust of the desert, and the prospect of an entire summer without my family. I have a hard time realizing that it was only two years ago, and at the same time, feeling like I've lived a lifetime since then. I guess it makes a big difference if you think about only the big events, versus the individual days and the individual moments. 

Or things like, it's 2:16am, and I've just typed out an entire post that might not make very much sense in the morning, but it's something for you to read, and it's something to help me train myself back into the habit of writing things to post here, even when it's hard or I don't feel like it. 


  1. Doesn't forcing yourself to post make blogging more like a chore?

    IDK. That's just me.

  2. or things like, I have missed your writing like a girl misses summer and so you typing this out was a perfect way for me to start my morning. Because everytime you write, I find myself struck with wanderlust and summer love and nostalgia and laughter all at once.

    keep going. love you much. x

  3. I got out of my google reader just to say that I like best friends too. :)

  4. Or things like, as good as your emails are, I like your blog posts too. Because you're swell.
    And the future is so scary and according to my friends so is breaking up. And being without family is hard and missing where you were a few years ago is too. But Regina Spektor and best friends, they are good.

  5. I am delighted to see you find the positive in all the negative things in your life. As for your current breakup, that's a shame, I know. It is better to feel how you do, glad to be released from a commitment becoming a burden to you. I guess this could be related to your blogging as well. If it is becoming a burden, a chore, do not push yourself into doing so. If necessary, it would be alright to quit blogging. Although, all us readers would just prefer you to post a little less often.

    Cheers, darling!!

  6. or things like, you're cool. and gah. i've missed you.
    -jocee <3

  7. Your life is perfect. You're perfect. You're beautiful and I'm so glad that you're my friend -- I miss you though. I don't know why exactly. You're here... but I miss YOU. And I don't know why. Maybe this letter will help...
    sorry if this was too personal for a blogger comment. I'm not myself.

    I love you. <3


  8. i love you.
    and i'm glad you're back, even if its just for a post here and there.
    distance makes the heart grow fonder...? eh. maybe.

  9. I love your shades. And I love how real this post is.

  10. Dear Katie.
    I just just had a crazy nostalgic memory of coming to your blog for the first time and how enthralled I was.

    Sorry about your mom and sisters going to Colorado. That must be really hard.

    My baby sister is turning ten, too. Crazy how quickly it goes, isn't it?

    Ah! I need to listen to the new Regina Spektor album (as well as Edward Sharpe and the magnetic zeroes)

    Canoeing is fun! I especially love kayaking.

    What you said about remembering Jordan this time last year really registered because I know exactly what it's like to have those "this day last year I was doing this and thinking that" feelings.

    Love you,

  11. "you're like a party somebody threw me"...I've been listening to that album from the free streaming on NPR for a while. I don't have a lot of her music, but I really do love Regina Spektor.

    Similarly, I love it when you post. I don't think you should force yourself to do it, but I do think it's a good thing to do. I know there's tumblr and twitter and instagram, but there's nothing quite like blogger. No matter what you do, I hope we can stay in touch because you're a really cool person, you know that? Maybe I'm feeling oddly sentimental because it's my last day of school or whatever, but it's weird to me that it's been like a year and a half since I first found your blog. Even if you don't post that often anymore, I'm definitely still glad I did.

  12. You sound like you've been having a lot of stuff going on lately. I hope you start posting more - I just started following your blog, and I cannot wait to see more of Katie!

  13. I needed this, at least to know that someone else out there has the same feelings as me.

  14. this is just a stunning post. please don't give up, katie -- your blog is da bomb.
    (and new regina spektor album out?! excuse me while i open itunes...)


go ahead. make my day.