february is good for living.

 hannah nicole, posted on fernweh. 

And then I spent an hour staring at the computer screen, trying to find a way to say what I need to say (cue John Mayer) and get back into this writing thing.

Lately, it's been hard for me to get anything done. I don't know if this is Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) (yes, it's a thing, and I pretend I have it) or if I'm just lazy. Either way, I don't like it. I'm turning in Fernweh articles late, forgetting about homework assignments, and not-blogging. I think it's just this thing where I am trying to do too many things in one week, and I end up doing all of them badly. My camera has sat in his bag for weeks, and it's been seventeen days since I've published a blog post. But February is almost over, and for that I am thankful.

I'm having coffee with an old best friend on Saturday. Things haven't been good with her for a long time. We've grown up a lot since the last time we last really talked, and I'm scared and excited to see her. These are the things that I'm going to say:

"I'm sorry. It wasn't all your fault and I treated you badly and I wish that I had realized that sooner."

"Remember that time, eating peach ice cream under your neighbor's trampoline? And the time that we danced around your room with the strobe light on? And how we would make cookies at two am? And how you would put so much sugar in your coffee that it made your teeth hurt?"

"I've been dating this boy since the middle of January, and it makes me sad that you weren't one of the first people I told. You might know him- remember the boy that hit me in the face with a dodgeball in eighth grade? That's him. I'm sure that you would like him if you got to know him, and maybe we should go on a double date sometime?"

"My mom says that you're going to college somewhere close to home. Are you still going to do something with photography? We should take pictures together. I still want to learn how to use my film camera."

"I miss you. You were my first best friend when I moved here, and I'm sorry that we ruined it."

February is good for living and remembering and apologizing and loving.

I'll see you in March, friends.

exploring the moon.

This is one of the prettiest music videos that I've ever seen. I'm on the third or fourth listen right now. (Also, where can I buy airmail envelopes like that?) (Also, also, I like how they have the lyrics incorporated into the video.) 

Today, I'm loving poorlywrittenhistory's flickr, (particularly the above photo) this Valentine's compilation on Fernweh, this photo and this photo from one of my favorite photographers, and this Threadless t-shirt (Amsterdam will always have a special place in my heart). 

I'm not celebrating Valentine's today. Instead, I spent my afternoon watching Apollo 13 for a history class. This evening, I spent time with some of my best friends at small group. It was a very uneventful, unexciting day. But it was good. I like these low-key days where I get stuff done, without the sort of overwhelming busyness that most days hold. 

Apollo 13. Have you seen it? I remembered bits and pieces of it as I was watching...maybe I saw it years ago? but for the most part, it was completely new. I'd really rather not go in depth talking about it (I literally just finished writing a paper about the movie) but there was one line, right at the end, that I typed out and I wanted to share with you: "Sometimes I catch myself looking up at the moon and wondering when we'll be going back and who it will be." 

That really resonated with me. I don't like staying home for more than a year. It's become a bit of a joke in our family, "So-and-so is going to Turkey/Athens/Canada for ten days this summer-" "What?? Maybe I can go with them!" It happens every day. Anyways, what if that illusive place, the place that you were so close to without actually getting there, was the moon? And how would that feel to look at it every night knowing that you'll never reach it? In some ways, that's a depressing thought, but in other ways, it's encouraging to know that you tried your best to get there, and not-getting-there was out of your control. I don't know...it's late and I'm typing as I'm thinking, so this probably doesn't make very much sense. 

Okay. Goodnight. 

ps. I know I said that I was going to talk about The Fault in Our Stars but I'm writing something about it on Fernweh later this month so maybe you can read it on there? okaybye. 

unexcused absences.

Between writing for Fernweh, and the one or two papers a week for my business class, (more on that in a minute) I haven't been in the mood to write on here. When we started Fernweh, I promised my mom that I'd continue posting here. So far, I haven't really kept that promise. But, new month, second chances, all that.

I'm so glad January is over. January & February & March are my least favorite months of the year. February should be ok because of reasons (more on that later) and March, well...March 23 is going to be the best day of the entire year. Tickets for the Hunger Games movie go on sale on February 22, and I'm buying a ticket for the midnight showing. ;) March can't get here fast enough!

A year ago, as a high school sophomore, I started taking college classes. Today, I'm sitting in the basement of the science building. It's so crazy to look back on last year. I'm not sure I could even describe how nervous I was on the first day of class. It's gotten better, and I'm at the point where it's just normal. This semester, I'll be completing my seventh, eighth, and ninth college classes. And you know what? I like it a lot.

My business class is by far my favorite class this semester. The professor is this charming, older man who has a reputation for being incredibly unbiased, and maybe a little harsh, when it comes to grading. A past student referred to this class not as Business 101, but as Life 100, and he was right. He teaches so well, and it's not just limited to business.

 I...ok, I threw a fit when my mother made me take this class. We talked to the professor the week before it started, and he told us that a large portion of the class is group work, outside of class. No, thank you.

Anyways, my mom forced me to take it. I called her after the first day and apologized, because I love this class. There really is nothing that I don't like about it. And that's a good feeling.

How was your January?