hannah nicole, posted on fernweh.
And then I spent an hour staring at the computer screen, trying to find a way to say what I need to say (cue John Mayer) and get back into this writing thing.
Lately, it's been hard for me to get anything done. I don't know if this is Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) (yes, it's a thing, and I pretend I have it) or if I'm just lazy. Either way, I don't like it. I'm turning in Fernweh articles late, forgetting about homework assignments, and not-blogging. I think it's just this thing where I am trying to do too many things in one week, and I end up doing all of them badly. My camera has sat in his bag for weeks, and it's been seventeen days since I've published a blog post. But February is almost over, and for that I am thankful.
I'm having coffee with an old best friend on Saturday. Things haven't been good with her for a long time. We've grown up a lot since the last time we last really talked, and I'm scared and excited to see her. These are the things that I'm going to say:
"I'm sorry. It wasn't all your fault and I treated you badly and I wish that I had realized that sooner."
"Remember that time, eating peach ice cream under your neighbor's trampoline? And the time that we danced around your room with the strobe light on? And how we would make cookies at two am? And how you would put so much sugar in your coffee that it made your teeth hurt?"
"I've been dating this boy since the middle of January, and it makes me sad that you weren't one of the first people I told. You might know him- remember the boy that hit me in the face with a dodgeball in eighth grade? That's him. I'm sure that you would like him if you got to know him, and maybe we should go on a double date sometime?"
"My mom says that you're going to college somewhere close to home. Are you still going to do something with photography? We should take pictures together. I still want to learn how to use my film camera."
"I miss you. You were my first best friend when I moved here, and I'm sorry that we ruined it."
February is good for living and remembering and apologizing and loving.
I'll see you in March, friends.
Beautifully written, Kates. I've missed you.
ReplyDeleteAww, sweet. In response to your comment... his new album is SIMPLY amazing. I'm glad you like it :)
ReplyDeletexx, Annie.
aw! this is so sweet. i wish i could be there to hear you say those things. :))
ReplyDelete-jocee <3
Katie, this is beautiful, you are beautiful, and your words are beautiful. I love this so much. x
ReplyDeletealso, i kind of freaked when i saw my words. so sweet + exciting! :)
DeleteThis made me teary. Because it's so hard when you lose the people that once meant everything to you. It's so brave of you to apologise, and even if you don't become close again, I think you'll feel better for explaining yourself. You won't have the regret of always wishing you'd spoken.
ReplyDeletesometimes living is more important than deadlines, you know? and...wow. this gave me a totally different perspective, because this week I'm also meeting with a friend of mine--one that used to be my best friend until things went wrong. I'm scared and nervous too, and I don't know exactly what I'm going to say, only that I need to say it. your humility is inspiring though--I really need to focus more on that. this was just plain loverly, dear. ♥♥
ReplyDeleteoh, friendship. i hope you guys patch things up! this is so sweet. i love little, random memories such as strobe lights and late night baking and overdoing it on the sugar. :) miss you!
ReplyDeletewell, just so you know, you're not alone. what is "sad" for you is my "winter slump". i just fall out of doing my regular tasks when the weather is cold. its my only excuse. ha. c;
ReplyDeletehoping your coffee date goes well. seeing old friends is always rewarding. and sparking up old memories is something to smile about. i loved yours.
I am having the same issues as you.... Everything about school at this time of year seems pretty "sad" to me. But I am hoping that March will bring new beginnings!
ReplyDelete-ryan♥
Oh, the old best friend conversation. Whooeee. I know what that's like (unfortunately). Hope Saturday goes well, sweets.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a good post, dear. the February slump? Yes. I hate that, but it only lasts for so long, so hang in there :) And you're so sweet - love that you're doing that for your friend & I hope it goes lovely!
ReplyDeleteit's good to be reading your blog again!
Hi I'm Godsgirlz1,
ReplyDeleteWould you like to check out my blog?
godsgirlz1.wordpress.com
♥Godsgirlz1
I've read this post so many times, trying to think of what to comment. I'll just keep it simple & concise.
ReplyDeleteI love this.
Okay bye. :)
love. love. love.
ReplyDelete<3 :)))))
xx,
Bleah
I think February (and March and April and et cetera) is a perfect month for rediscovering a friendship. One of the things I've learned the hard way is that you only get so many amazing friends in your life. You'll meet loads and loads of people you like, but only a small percentage of them are worth keeping for ever and ever. Even less will stick around just as long. So brush up on your apologies. You'll never lose the need for them, or for the people deserving of them.
ReplyDeleteI think you've said it well, though. A lot of heart in these words. Also, in the fact that you're practicing, wanting so much for them to work.
I love your writing Katie. It's like hot tea on a cold morning.
ReplyDeleteReally hope this went well. I've had a pretty bad case of SAD, but it mostly effected my writing.
It's so incredible how important people are. I've had maybe four or five best friends in my life, and I really wish that all the misunderstandings would vanish.
The memories that only they share with you is hardest.
One time my best friend from age 10-13 and I snuck down to the park really early and laid down in the wet grass talking about the future and wishing we could stay in those awkward years forever.
Maybe sometimes a simple sorry is enough.
My best friend in the entire world and I stopped talking last April for no apparent reason. It ripped me to shreds. Now, one year later, we talk again and I'm no longer mad at her but it's not the same. Also she's married now, so that's weird.
ReplyDeleteI don't have SAD, but I do get a little bit miserable in the Utah winters sometimes. I'm from CA and it's sunny all year round, so grey skies for dayyyyz bums me out. So I go tanning at my gym! I know it's not good for your skin, but I don't do it too often, just to get some of that vitamin D soaking up in my body. It makes me feel better. :)
I had a best friend for 4 years, but then she moved away from me and I didn't keep in touch like I should have. That was two years ago now. I might be seeing her this week and I'm so nervous! I hope yours went well!
ReplyDeleteAnna