07 August 2010

these different kinds of happy.

I love reading my old journal entries. Most of the time I do this at night after I finish writing. I start flipping through the pages, looking for something that interests me. Today I was looking for the date on an old entry and found something that I wrote about the stars:
"When I look at the stars, I feel like myself." When I look at the stars, I can be myself. The stars I see at night aren't a mirror of myself, but rather a beautiful road pointing towards the me that God created. When I look at the stars, I feel alive. I feel as if anything is possible. I feel like all my failures, all my shortcomings, all my never-perfects don't matter because I can see God through the stars. Looking at the stars, I'm nothing. Not visible. Not important. Not noticed. I'm small and nothing, and yet it doesn't bother me. Because in the middle of my beautiful nothingness, I am something to God. He sees me, he hears me, he knows me, he loves me. Even while I stand there enveloped in night, just one out of billions, I am important. Blessed. Heard. Thought of. Loved.

The summer has disappeared and now it's almost over. I only have a few days before I have to leave. The closer I get to leaving, the more I'm ready to be home. I was listening to Carrie Underwood earlier today. Her song Wasted came on and these lyrics caught my attention:

For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops
Back into a cloud

I've been feeling a lot of that lately. Wanting to stay here, and yet at the same time wanting so badly to be back home.

I like the last two lines especially. "That would be like pouring rain drops back into a cloud." Rain is somewhat of an obsession with me. I guess that it started years ago when my family moved to the Netherlands. There, rain is common and everyday. My love for rain might have something to do with my mom. She has always loved it, and as a little girl I wanted to love everything she loved. I still love almost everything she does, the main difference being mashed potatoes. (the typical response when people hear that I don't eat them? "Katie, how can you even be American??")

Word on the street says that it's been raining the entire summer, and I can't wait to get back and feel some of that rain for myself. My house is a typical Indiana farmhouse, complete with multiple porches, covered and uncovered. On one of these porches, we have a cute little wicker porch swing. This swing is perfect to sit on and watch the rain. One of my favorite memories involved that swing.

I had just gotten back from a bike ride, and the whole time I was biking I could see the wind pushing the rain clouds towards our house. I took my sweet time, because there's nothing I'd like better than to bike in the rain. The first few drops were just coming down when I pedaled up to the house. I went inside to my bedroom, and picked up my copy of Anne of Green Gables. I grabbed a blanket and a pillow along with my book and went out to watch the rain from the swing. Every few minutes I would swing out far enough that I could feel the rain hit my face and arms. I'm looking forward to being home and feeling the rain again.

These pictures make my day:

It rocks my world how gorgeous that girl is (all my sisters are like that, as a matter of fact) and that sunset? I know that I've posted it before, but it blows me away how splendid it was.

Quote love: "When I get a little money, I buy books; and if there is any left, I buy food and clothes." - Desiderius Erasmus.

I'm agreeing with this wholeheartedly...I'm pretty much broke, and yet...a new Artemis Fowl just came out! I can thank my brother for this. He was the one who started me on Artemis Fowl...and Ted Dekker, and Christopher Paolini, which still remain some of my favorite books/authors. There are a few other things that I'd love to buy, mainly a Nikon D5000 or D60. Photoshop would be nice too. Right now, though, I'm content to just be going home to see my brother. :)

I just recently saw You've Got Mail for the first time. I loved it. Usually I never watch chick flicks, because it's just not worth the language and innuendos. This one is old enough that there's very little language, and it's pretty clean. I totally identified with Kathleen Kelly. I've always been the bookworm. One of my favorite scenes was when she was explaining the Betsy, Tacy, & Tib books to Annabele. When I was eight I loved those books, and every penny I had went to Barnes & Nobles for the next one in the series.

I want it to be October so I can sit next to my mom on our big yellow couch. Our new fireplace will be softly crackling, and we'll sit on the couch with hot apple cider and watch You've Got Mail. There's something about fall...

I've recently started looking forward to Tuesdays. Tuesdays are special. Not only are they the day before Wednesday, my favorite day of the week, Tuesday is new-free-music-day. At least that's what I call it. It's really the day when iTunes puts up new freebies. Sometimes, rarely, I like the free download and it's all worth it.

"If home is where the heart is, then my home is where you are, but it's getting oh so hard to spend these days without my heart." Thank you, Relient K, for saying exactly what I feel. I can't spend this much time away from everyone I love. Five more days....


  1. I love this post. All of your thought are beautiful. And phrased so wonderfully. It was a joy to read. And you ended with Relient K. :)

  2. Awesome post. I loved that journal entry. Oh, I adore that quote about books! Makes me smile every time. Really great Relient K lyric, what song is it from?

  3. I also love reading my old journals (most of the time). The other day, I was cleaning my room and stopped for about an hour to skim through my old journals when I was dusting my bookshelf. :)

    That sunset picture is gorgeous! It looks like the sky is on fire.

    I need to see "You've Got Mail." Mostly because it looks cute and it was based on a 40's movie (which I have yet to get my hands on) starring Jimmy Stewart. And I love "In the Good Old Summertime," which is a Judy Garland musical with the same basic plot.


  4. Sara- thanks so much :) I love them...

    LF-why thank you :) I do too, it's one of my favorites. It's from I'm Taking You With Me, from the Five Score and Seven Years Ago album. It's a good one!

    Kristen-I do that all the time! I get so distracted from what I was doing before, and then it turns out that I wasted so much time.

    It was probably the most gorgeous sunset that I've ever seen. It was amazing.

    I didn't know about those, but they may be fun to watch. I want to watch the old version of Sabrina. I've seen the new one many times, but never the old one.

  5. I always read old journal entries! It makes me happy to know I'm not the only one. :)

  6. First of all, this is your best post. Secondly, you just put into words the way I feel under the stars. Your words were spot-on and brilliant. I wish my journal entries sounded like that:) Great job. My brother-in-law doesn't like mashed potatoes either. And, I know it sounds weird, (it's not like I'm actually gonna see you:) but I am looking forward to you coming home too. But I must say, I can tell a big difference in your writing since you've been away. It has gotten way more mature and I suspect you have as well. I love that Relient K song too. I can't wait to hear your opinion of the new Fowl book later.....hehe.


  7. I can't wait for you to be home Katie!
    We talk about you coming home like every Sunday..
    It's been so long;
    But now you're almost home.
    Just a little longer.

  8. Kaylie- I do too~

    PB & J- thank you thank you thank you! This means a lot coming from you :) I'm glad that I'm not the only one. haha, I feel like that all the time. the whole summer I've been telling people how much I miss them, so naturally I miss you too, and then I remember that it's not really different. I can't wait to read it. Thank you so much for all the encouragement! Love you!

    Olivia- just a few more days :) I can't wait to see you...Sunday! Less than a week left!


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