I have problems with that cliche phrase, "home is where the heart is." My heart doesn't tend to stay in one place. Parts of it are scattered all over Europe, the United States, and now the Middle East.
Leaving people hurts. It hurts me because I know how much I'll miss them, and it hurts them because they'll miss me. Being a former MK, I'm used to leaving and saying goodbye, but that doesn't make it hurt any less each time. My friends will talk about how they've spent their whole lives in Muncie. That's incomprehensible to me. The longest I've lived in one place is a little more than five years, and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I love moving, new places, new languages and experiences. I hate that I have to leave to go somewhere new.
I'm torn. I'm leaving in two weeks, and I'm not at all ready. I keep telling people that I'm ready to be home, and I am, I'm just not at all ready to leave. I'm ready to be back in my own house, in my bright yellow room, with my fat fluffy cats. I'm ready to see my family and my best friends. I'm ready to go to church, ready to feel the rain again. I'm not ready to leave my new family here. On Monday night when I got home I walked inside the house. The five year old got up from his dinner, ran to me, and grabbed me tight around the stomach. "Katie, I missed you," he told me. I'm not ready to leave that. I'm not ready to leave Ultimate Frisbee on Fridays. I'm not ready to leave late night talks with Lori. I'm not ready to go back to where everyone speaks English and waits for the whole street to clear before crossing. I'm not ready to go home, but I'm ready to be home.
That being said, I absolutely cannot wait to be back home. I miss my family and my second family (Ali's family) so much. I cannot wait to be back in Muncie, seeing her family two or three times a week and being with mine every day.
"Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos." Charles M. SchulzRight now I'm wishing that I could be in two places at once. Either that, or the Middle East was closer to Indiana.
Katie, I really want you to know that I understand goodbyes. They have been some of the hardest things in my life. The idea that you won't be with someone for ever keeps escaping my mind. I remember my friend telling me as we said goodbye (she was a MK too) that sometimes God puts people in our lives for certain times and purposes. I still struggle with trusting that.
ReplyDeleteThe good thing I know about goodbyes, is that they aren't always permanent.
ReplyDeleteOur goodbye to you is almost over,'
And you'll still keep in touch with your new friends im sure.
Just remember that goodbye is NOT forever.(:
A month or so ago I was visiting my sister in another state. I met some really cool people while I was there, and most likely I won't see any of them again.
ReplyDeleteOne sunday while I was there we were at church, and my sister goes to a pretty big church, you know one with a main floor and a balcony type second story to fit more people. And this awesome worship song was on, I had never heard it before.
For the first time I got a glimpse of Heaven. Every christian I have ever met will be there, even the ones i only new for a few minutes or days. And we will be really worshiping. Truely truely. Full of God's love for him and for each other.
I know there are negative thoughts that can branch off of that. And questions and details. And perhaps it is a little disconnected for your topic. But it is the story that came to mind with this post. There is so much soft, powerful, joy in this memory for me. I hope it comes across at least a little.
Think about it in terms of you, all the people you love terribly, and your best worship memory. Blend it together with whatever strongest sense of God's presesnce you can think of. That was my taste of heaven.
Which maybe makes it a little more ok to say goodbye sometimes.
I'm prayin for ya. I'll pray that you have peace. Peace that passes all understanding.
ReplyDeleteLove you.