I promise you, this will make you laugh

Oh. My. Goodness. This is so funny. Earlier today, I was going through one of my desk drawers and found an old composition notebook from when I was, oh, maybe nine. I wrote this story and was SO proud of myself. I just re-read it. I laughed so hard. Anyways, here it is:


"The Legend of the Green Worm
or, The Green Worm’s treachery
Once upon a time, in faraway France, there was an old man. He lived all alone in a forest. Every day he went to the little pool tucked away in the forest to fish. And, every day when he dug for worms in his secret worm spot (the worms were better there) he came up with a talking worm. And, every day the he caught pleaded with him to let it go. “Why should I?” the old man would ask. “If you me go I will grant you one wish. But only one!” The man would consider it for a moment of two and then grunt “Alright, but grant me the wish before I release you.” The worms always turned pale at that moment, but had to agree. So when the man always asked for a loaf of warm bread and a leg of hot mutton to apear beside him and it didn’t, well, you can imagine the fate of the poor little worms. One day when he was digging worms so he could catch his supper, he caught a very long, very pale green worm. It was the Green Worm.

The man was very surprised! He had heard of the Green Worm before but thought it was a legand, a myth. He had never dreamed he would catch it. On the rare ococions that he had vicators, they would tell him stories of the Green Worm. Some called him magic, some called him bad luck, while still others said he just plain didn’t exist. The old man had never believed in the Green Worm, but now he did. After he got over his astonishment he felt fright. What if the Green Worm really was bad luck? He certainly didn’t need more. “Wwho, who are you? He finilly stampered, knowing full well what the answer would be. “I am the Green Worm,” he said. “Please let me go. If you do, I will grant you three wishes.”

“Three wishes!” he said in surprise. Then, supiocisly, “How do I know that you will fufill your side of the bargain?” “What would you like?” the worm asked. “I would like a large, beautiful house with 500,000 slaves.” “So it shall be.” the Green Worm replied. “That is not enough!” the greedy slave-owner cried. “My slaves will not respect me as I am,” looking distainfully down at his clothes. “I must be young, handsome, and very, very rich.” “Very well.” the Green Worm sighed. “And as for my next wish-” “Wait, wait.” the worm inorupted. “You do reallize that this is your last wish?” “Of course I do.” the young man scowled down at the poor worm. He did not take kindly to being interupted. “Now, as I was saying, I wish to have an endless amount of wishes.” “No! No! You can’t do that!” “Why couldn’t I? You never made any restictoins on what to wishe for.” “No,no, I suppose I didn’t. But please take it back!” “Never! Now I can live my life the way I want.” And so saying the arogant young man picked up the worm, and dropped it into the bag he carried the fish in. “Oh, and another few wishes. I wish to be the king’s son, the prince!” The regretful worm granted his wish. “And I want the king to have die and me become king!” “You want me to murder the king?” the worm quisioned. “Well, you might call it murder, but I don’t. Oh, and I must be married, to the most beautiful young woman in the world.” The Green Worm obeyed without quistoin, but the whole time he was cooking up a plan in his little wormy brain. “Please, you majecty may I have a few minutes to say goodbye to my friends, the other worms.” “How do I know you will come back?” the snotty young soverieng asked. “Make a harness for me out of fish line. Then tie the harness on to me and I’ll go to say goodbye. And when you want me the come back just tug on the harness.” “Well, I supose it might work. But only two minutes!” the young prince quikely and deftley fashioned a harness and slipped it on to the worm. As soon as the prince finished he started to slide into the ground. Now, the Green Worm had remerbed one thing the prince hadn’t. The worms in to ground could talk. And they could wish!

The worm knew exactly what to do as soon as he got underground. He quikly located the other worms and explained his plan. The other worms lisened to him and agreed. As soon as the worms had wished the wish, he started to slither up to the surface. Once he was completely out of the dirt he fell his body chanching and before you could count to five he was standing up and scowling down at the hole. Meanwhile, the worm/Prince was wriggling about on the ground. The former Green Worm quickly took action. “I wish to have everything back to the way it was before.” And the wish was granted. The Green Worm’s last sight of the man was him lyeing on the ground yelling “Why, why??!” He was weeping for jis house, his slaves, his youth, his crown, his maraiage, his stupitity, and most of all, what he thought of as the Green Worm’s treachery. THE END!!!"

I swear that I didn't change it at all. I actually thought that quickly was spelled quikly when I was nine. I used to think it was brilliant. I had a plan to get it published that I've never told anyone. I thought that I could take my composition book to the library and stick it on one of the shelves. Then, someone (who would just happen to be a book publisher) would find it, read it, be amazed at the remarkable plot structure, the impressive word choice, (such as deftly, I was so proud of that word) and read my name and address on the front cover, publish the book, (without any editing, of course) and then tell me, and give me all the money! It was a great dream.